DEAR THERAPIST: How Do I Tell My Husband Of 13 Years I have HIV?


Dear Therapist,

I have a situation that I need some advice on. Two weeks ago there was a free HIV/AIDS testing.

So, I went to do a test just for the fun of it and to my surprise it was positive. Now I have been with this one man for over 13 years.

Actually, we are married. I am losing my mind because I remember four years ago I travelled and cheated on him with a random stranger and maybe I brought the disease home. Or perhaps it could be him who cheated with someone.

I am worried because I haven’t told him anything. I really don’t know how to explain to my husband that I have HIV/AIDS.

Right now, all I can think about is the fact that I am going to die of disease and how many other people may actually have it.

Then I am also worried about my two boys who will have to live without me.  Tell me something. Anything. Please.


Dear Distressed,

I am so sorry to hear this but I can assure you that HIV/AIDS is not a death sentence especially with now the latest medications on the market.

Although it is incurable at the moment, you should be relieved that you now know your status and can treat it accordingly.

Now having said that, it’s been two weeks since you’ve found this out and you haven’t said a word to your husband and I reckon you have not gone to doctor to start the medication required. Please don’t take chances with HIV/AIDS.

The best thing is to speak to your husband and I am suggesting in the presence of a counselor because these things are very hard to deal with.

Right now, it is unclear and unnecessary to point fingers as to who may have given it to you. The fact remains that you contracted the virus and your husband should get tested as well.

Also anyone that you both may have had unprotected or even protected sex with needs to know so they too can get tested and tell their partner or partners.

Additionally, you can contact the National HIV/STI Helpline at 1-888-991-4444, 976 3830, 976 3764 for additional information. 

Be strong, you will get through this.

Best Regards